hello, world. it's me, danielle.

So it's been a while since my last post... A lot of things have been going on and I've been trying to figure out what to write about next!

Probably the biggest thing flying around in my head lately is how to get my business up and running. A lot of you know that I've recently started making custom diaper cakes and wooden letters, and as more and more people are requesting them, I figured I would try to make this more than just a hobby. As I'm writing this, I find myself wondering, "What is the defining moment that makes a hobby an actual business?" I have sold a couple of things, so I guess for lack of a word that describes the limbo between 'for fun' and 'really making some money', we'll call what I'm doing a business. 

I think that I'm pretty creative, and for as long as I can remember, I've had a really hard time keeping all of my ideas in check. I actually have an entire binder full of pages ripped out of magazines and notes of things I want to do in the future, or ideas that I have to turn into rea

lity someday. It's kind of an obsession! There isn't a store I can go into without having some type of "I can do that!" moment, and I find myself buying TONS of things that I will 'someday' use to create one of my ideas :) It's kind of a problem, and I'm currently trying to keep that part in check... I'm sure Chris is grateful for that! Since lately I've only been making diaper cakes and  letters, I want to branch out and see what else people are interested in, but I think I'm starting to get more into the 'business' mode. I've been finding myself thinking about how I can market my products, or how many prototypes of things I will need to make so people know what I can do, but it is so hard to limit my options! I have to keep reminding myself to stick with what I know and start slow... I'm proud to say that I am getting orders for letters a couple of times a week, and I'm hoping that more people will notice my cakes and possibly order some of those as well. I can't explain to you how exciting and flattering it is when someone chooses you to make something for them, and it's even more exciting when they are willing to pay you! It is great motivation to keep going, and to keep looking for more things that I can make to make people happy. 

So the first thing that I have to do (which I keep having to remind myself of...) is to come up with a name for my business. I am getting to the point where I am needing some sort of website, and you can't have a website without a name! You would think that with all of my other ideas, a name would be easy, but it is the hardest part for me to come up with. I think I get scared because it is so permanent, and choosing a business name is really really important. You want it to convey the type and quality of product you are making but you want it to also be original and true to who you are... It is extremely intimidating. I've been researching web hosts lately and kind of spying on other people's sites to see what I like and don't like, and I think by the time I get my own site going, it should be pretty effective (I hope). I guess I just haven't ever thought about what it takes to get a business going, but man, there are a ton of things to consider! When you are selling things that you create, I am finding that you must must must have boundaries and have the skill to hold back. I am afraid that I am offering products that are entirely way too custom, and to start this off, I need to have more of  a simple offering. I have to think of pricing, how and if I am going to ship products to other places in the country, where I can start getting materials cheaper than where I am currently getting them, and I have to keep an eye on my competition. It is quite an undertaking, but this is something that no matter its success, will be really rewarding and hopefully will bring joy to someone else's life!

I'm sure future posts will be related to this somehow, but I just wanted to get this out there, and hope that I continue to get the love, support, and praise from the people who have been with me and have helped me get this started! It makes a world of difference when people believe in you, and I am so thankful that I have many supporters through this process. It takes a lot to create something and put it out there for criticism, praise, and whatever else might come, but it sure has been great getting feedback from people and seeing how what I do for fun impacts someone else in a positive way :)

**If anyone wants to see some of what I have been making, please leave me a comment on this post or check out my facebook page!

there's something wrong in there

This is a serious post, so if you are in a good mood or are looking to read something lighthearted, this probably isn't the nighttime reading for you.

As many of my friends are aware, I have been extremely frustrated with things going on with my body for a while now. I probably come off to them as just another person complaining about the mundane things in life and are honestly probably pretty annoyed. I try not to let it affect my life outside of home, but I know it is not just taking a toll on me anymore, it's Chris, it's family, it's coworkers, it's everyone. It all started with bad 'times of the month' for me, and after seeing a few doctors we thought we had it figured out. Boy, how we were wrong. After seeing a bunch of doctors, I was diagnosed with PCOS, or Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome*, and with my unfortunate history of a DVT (deep vein thrombosis) a few years ago, the 'easy' fix of taking birth control pills isn't possible. The PCOS makes me a different person, someone that frankly, I hate. I've gained a ton of weight, my skin has reverted back to looking like I'm going through puberty, I'm anxious, I'm depressed, I take narcotic pain meds once a month to get through the first day of my period, I have panic attacks, and I am extremely emotional. That's not even all of it. Basically, I am a man's worst nightmare every day of my life. I don't know what to do, because I am sick of seeing doctors, sick of having blood drawn, and I'm sick of feeling like this. As if all of this wasn't enough to handle, the past couple of years have revealed some more problems. I have something going on with my stomach, and it isn't uncommon for me to feel like I have food poisoning at least a couple of times a week. I get horrible stomach cramps, I feel shaky, sick, and just downright gross almost every day. A couple of months ago, I was so nauseous, I didn't eat for days and even ended up in the ER because I felt like I was out of options and wasn't getting any better. I've been through a colonoscopy at 23 years old, an endoscopy procedure at 24, and TONS of blood work with no results. I keep getting the same answer: "We are pretty sure something is wrong, but we don't know what it is. Follow up with your other doctor." Lately I've been getting dizzy, like almost blackout dizzy, and I am extremely tired all the time, no matter how much sleep I get. I am so incredibly sick and tired of being sick and tired, and I know that to a normal person I sound like a hypochondriac and I don't know what to do.

I know this is ruining relationships, and making me seem like I'm crazy. I don't know how Chris puts up with it all, and I'm honestly surprised that he's still around. I see it in his eyes every single time I tell him something is wrong. I see his face when I tell him that there has to be something going on inside me that isn't normal, and it kills me every time. He's trying his best to be supportive, but I am terrified that he is going to just give up on me some day. I've watched the medical shows where people say that when you feel in your gut that something is wrong, keep pursuing it, keep pushing it to your doctors, keep going until you get answers. Well I'm tired. I'm tired of explaining my symptoms to doctor after doctor that believes that taking pills will 'fix' me. I feel like I'm losing myself and that there's no possible way I can be happy again, because I don't feel like there is an end to all of this in sight. Sometimes I catch myself thinking, "Surely a person can't feel like this forever - there HAS to be some resolution eventually," but then I revert back to feeling defeated. I'm stuck, I'm tired, I feel horrible, and I just want to get better. I used to see the women on these shows saying how they were ready to give up because their life was so devastated by whatever illness they had, and I would sit here and wonder how on earth someone could feel that horrible about feeling bad, but now I get it. I feel their pain. I feel their sadness, I feel their defeat. I need help, and I need someone to help me feel better again. I'm sick of taking pills to block the feelings and I'm sick of this shell that has become my body. 

All of this sounds like an exaggeration because no, I don't have cancer, I don't have anything really visibly wrong with me, and I know there are millions of people who are really truly sicker than me, but believe me when I say it's not. All anyone really knows is that I always say that I don't feel well, and I am always frustrated with life. Well, this is why. I feel like something is wrong. I know that how I feel isn't normal. I don't know what else to do. I haven't said all of this to anyone before, and I'm hoping that if I keep reaching, maybe someone with some knowledge or connections will somehow be reaching back. This is me reaching.

* http://women.webmd.com/tc/polycystic-ovary-syndrome-pcos-topic-overview

a new year...for me, anyways

I am officially a quarter century old! I can't believe that I am 25 now - when I was younger, I remember thinking that 25 was just so old and grown up, and now it's here... And I don't feel any different. I will admit that I have unrealistic expectations when it comes to my birthday, but I believe that your birthday is the one day of the year that is completely yours and it should be a big deal! Growing up, my parents made a HUGE deal about our birthdays and had the home parties with the homemade invites, party favors, and games that had homemade coordinating prizes... You get the idea. Each one was amazingly memorable, and I can say with confidence that I will do the exact same thing for our kids - and I will love every second of it. Well, now that I'm getting older (and have married someone who doesn't put birthdays on his top-holiday-of-the-year list) I'm needing to realize that unfortunately, the homemade-big-deal birthdays might just be a thing of the past. This year I also realized that I am really lucky. Everyone had been asking me what I wanted for my birthday, and I couldn't give a single answer to anyone. After realizing that I didn't get any presents because I couldn't tell anyone what I wanted, I decided that the reason why I couldn't come up with anything must be that I already have everything that I could want :). Sure, everyone loves to get presents on their birthday (and part of me wishes that I would just get surprise presents), but when it comes down to it, if you can't come up with a single thing that you want just because you want it, I think you are in pretty good shape. I got texts and messages on facebook from people I haven't heard from in years, a few unexpected phone calls, and lots of birthday wishes from the people who matter the most to me. We also went out to The Mont in Norman and had a great night with a great group of friends, and I hope that those nights continue to come my way! Honestly, I think I looked forward to that more than any gift I could have gotten. Spending time with a wonderful husband, old and new friends alike, and lots of great drinks on the patio made for a perfect night out. I hope that everyone that was with us had a good time as well, and I really appreciated everyone coming out to celebrate with me. As my 25th year begins, I wish for happiness, new opportunities, and hopefully a lot of great memories to come. A few flowers and surprise presents might not be too bad either, but I can't have everything, now, can I? ;)

finally home!

We are finally back home! The past week has been amazing, and we are home sweet home with lots of great memories of our trip. Not only was I lucky enough to meet Chris in London, but I got to spend a wonderful night in Chicago with my family and Erin, the wife of one of Chris' co-workers who was also in England with Chris. I got to see my family, my grandma (who I hadn't seen since our wedding over a year ago), have Lou Malnati's pizza, and have a great nighttime walk down Michigan Avenue and along the beach. It made me miss the city so much, and I wish Chris could have been there to share that perfect night with me! Once Erin and I arrived in London, we met the boys and began our whirlwind 3 days in the city. I don't think we've ever walked quite as much as we did in those 3 days, but man, did we see a lot! I was so thankful for Chris, and I think our traveling was made easier because of his knowledge of the subway system and his skill with reading maps of foreign cities :) We had a lot of fun, and after sore feet and lots of blisters, our London adventure came to a close and we headed home. I would like to think that we all had a really great time together, and not only did we get to see a new part of the world, we made some great friends and hopefully will have them in our lives for a long long time. 

world traveler

It's been a long 9 days, but it's finally time - I'm going to meet Chris in England on Thursday! I think a vacation has been a long time coming, and I couldn't be more excited! I have an overnight layover in Chicago tomorrow, so I get to see my family and my Grandma, who I haven't seen since our wedding last year, and then we are off Thursday morning. This trip kind of came out of the blue, so I feel like it's not really happening... Maybe that's why I haven't packed yet! Our honeymoon to France was planned out months in advance, so this will be an adventure, as we haven't really planned much of anything other than how we are going to get from the airport to the hotel. I'll keep this short, because it's 9pm and I need to get packing...  I can't wait to get there, and hopefully I'll be able to sleep tonight! Bon voyage! (I know, wrong country, but you get the idea ;))

miss independent

Lately I've been feeling like a lot of people don't really believe in me, or believe that I'm capable of doing much on my own, so I used this week to start finding my independence again. I think that I've let people take care of me for so long that I've lost some of myself, and I've been needing to find those parts of me again. I'm so ready to ditch this helpless image and make people believe that I am the smart, hardworking person that I know is still inside me. They say to start with baby steps, right? Chris being out of town and our really horrendous bathroom gave me some motivation - I decided that it was time to paint our second bathroom and do it completely by myself. I know this doesn't seem like that big of a deal, but it's the first time I've done something like this 100% on my own and I needed to do it (and do a good job) to prove to myself that I can do things without someone else's help. I realized that painting by yourself is so much more time consuming and not as fun as if you have someone to do it with you! I'm proud to say that after just over a day, I completed my first task and it looks pretty darn good! I'd like to think that this is the start of something bigger, something more meaningful than just changing the color of paint on a wall, and maybe, just maybe, this is the start of me getting back the parts of me that I so desperately miss.